Another decade has come to an end.* It has been a mixed bag of extreme lows, and the occasional soaring high. My great aunt, whom I lived with, died suddenly and I lost the only home I had left. I was thrust into my mother’s abusive relationship, where I lived in constant terror 24/7. I became homeless for the second time in my life, lost most of what I owned, and almost lost my pets. I came the closest to killing myself I ever had before. My beloved cat that I’d had most of my life, and had rarely been apart from died. My mother got hit by a car. Her job treats her like shit. On the pluses: in a small miracle my mother reconnected with an old friend just as we were becoming homeless, and we were able to stay there while we got back on our feet. It was a safe environment, and I no longer had to be afraid. It literally saved my life. I also took care of her two cats and dog, and I love them greatly (unfortunately, the dog passed away this year). I got on medication for my anxiety and depression, which helps so much. I got approved for something it’s very difficult to get approved for, and that is very important to me and my life. We were able to get an apartment owned by the church nearby, and while it’s not perfect, it is clean and safe unlike the ghetto dump we lived in last. I got a new bed, a new desk, a new dresser, and I finally got the gaming computer I’d wanted for so long.

As it was for many people, this year was trying. My mother continues to struggle with the after effects of getting hit by a car, including outrageous medical bills, and dealing with the lawyer/insurance. My psych, doctor, and service coordinator all left in the same year, which has been very detrimental to my health. I got a service coord who doesn’t provide transportation, which I need to get to my appointments, so I’ve had difficulty with my medication. The psych I saw decided to mess with my medication, which is a very delicate situation. It’s made my mental health worse than it has been in many years. I’ve been extremely low the past few months. As we’ve inched closer to 2020 it’s been getting worse. I have little hope for the future, and many worries. Australia is burning. We have a presidential election coming up, and the politics and news is soul crushing. Getting to appointments will be difficult for the foreseeable future. And as if 2020 isn’t a monumental year itself, I’m turning 30. I’ve felt like I’ve been wasting my youth for most of my twenties. I’m not well, and lack many of the resources and opportunities able-bodied people my age have. The older I get, the more this weighs on me. But I’ve been considering some things. It’s almost midnight.

* There’s been a ton of arguments about this online. It doesn’t really matter.
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